Honeymourning: A Posthumous Honeymoon

For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Anna Carlson and I was lucky enough to marry a man that I loved deeply, and with whom I had built a true partnership over the course of a decade. Having the love and support of another person who understands you completely can give you the strength, energy, and courage to meet whatever challenges life presents. In the years Ryan and I shared prior to our wedding we’d encountered a fair ration of "for better or for worse" circumstances, and had managed to come through it all with an even stronger bond. We weren’t perfect, but we had shared our very best and worst experiences and had built a foundation based on deep understanding and respect for one another. We could be ourselves 100% without fear of misunderstanding or undue judgment. Together, every experience was enriched, made more multi-facetted, just by the act of sharing it. As we prepared for our big day we were looking forward to a whole new chapter (not to mention making some new little characters). I’d felt ready to take on whatever lay ahead knowing I had his faith and love in my corner.

Although I think I’ve been pretty good at putting on a brave face, it takes all I have to try and act like I’m living something resembling the life we'd shared. I can hardly describe the depth of longing and the emptiness that lingers. I know that I am not alone in my grief. The outpouring of love and sympathy shared online by his friends, colleaues, and fan since the announcement of his passing demonstrates the lasting mark he left on people all over the world, many of whom had never actually met him.

Shortly after Ryan’s death, his friends from Giant Bomb (a game review site he’d helped found) VERY generously started the sale of a T-shirt intended as a benefit for me. For reasons beyond any of our control that benefit had to be canceled and refunds issued to those who’d participated. Now, as I raise a glass to another tragic anniversary I’ve decided to sell my own shirt. For those familiar with it, I regret that I am unable to offer the originally proposed design, but I’ve noodled around and come up with my own creation that I think he’d really enjoy. It is vaguely reminiscent of some of the pieces of Monorail and Tomorrowland ride concept art that had hung in our home. My goal in selling the shirt is to help cover the cost of bringing my close friend Zoe along. Her gift of time and support (when she could, and probably should, be seeking gainful employment) is so generous, I couldn’t allow her to additionally incur travel expenses for a trip she’d have no reason to undertake on her own.

Our route takes us coast to coast, beginning in Seattle in early September, crossing to Boston (stopping to stay with friends and family along the way) before turning back westward. I've even included a stop in Toronto to satiate Ryan's desire to finally get me out of the United States. If you have any recommendations of fun things to see and do along the way I’d love to have them. Feel free to share them with me on Twitter @HoneyMourning (an account I created for just that purpose) or with my traveling companion @SomeZoeLane. Thank you again for your time and support on this journey.
(If you'd like to know more about Ryan and his work here is a link to the site he helped to create: http://www.giantbomb.com/ryan-davis/3040-93335/)