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As a mental htelah professional with 20+ years experience, now retired, I can tell you that the only way you can help her is to dump her and let her succeed or fail on her own. I did that to my mother years ago, and if she wanted to go on being the hypochondriac like she and her mother are / were, so be it. But she was not going to get me to help her, or to help her not be so hypochondriacal and anxious. The only way you can help such anxious and dependent individuals is to drop them. So, I haven't seen my mother in three years, even though she lives only about 7 or 8 miles from me. She has her equally hypochondriacal daughter, my older sister, living with her, and, so far, I haven't seen either of them in the obituary section of our local paper, so, I guess they're doing okay. That may sound cold and cruel , but I can tell you this, they have a fine house and fine automobiles and plenty of money, and I've blocked their telephone number from mine, and even though they have an approximate idea where I live, they can't find me because I live way back in the woods where I can't be seen from the road, and even if they did, they can't get to my house because of my electric gate. Consequently, they have learned to live without me, and act like somewhat mature, adult women. At their ages, it's way past time. Now they have a choice to realize how good they are taking care of themselves, or they can find some other sucker to nurse their anxieties and panic attacks and hypochondriasis. In my 20+ years as a mental htelah professional, I've truly learned the value of that program Tough Love . God Bless you and your husband.