Our goal is to to supply Missouri hospitals with CuddleCots to give grieving parents of stillborn babies, like Blake, the gift of time. Time to hold them, take pictures, meet family and friends, but most importantly, time to heal. https://www.blakewagnerfoundation.com
Our baby was due to be born on October 20th, 2011. We were very excited for his arrival although we didn't know the gender until he was born. On the evening of October 15th, my water broke while we were at a family birthday party. My husband and I headed to the hospital. I remember day-dreaming about bringing our new baby home in just a couple of days. We arrived at the hospital around midnight. We were so excited that our baby was ready to make his/her arrival.
The nurses quickly made preparations. I put on the gown and went to the delivery room to be hooked up to the fetal monitor. The nurses struggled to find a heartbeat. I laid down on the hospital bed as they continued to search. One of the nurses proceeded to attach a probe to the baby’s forehead. I could hear the deep sigh that she took as that too was unsuccessful. She looked me in the eye and said “I am so sorry”. We continued to have hope that she was wrong and patiently waited for my doctor to arrive. When she did, she quickly performed an ultrasound. Our fears were confirmed as she searched for a heartbeat. Nothing. Our baby was gone. Immediately, hope was replaced with grief followed by blame and shame. Shawn and I laid in the hospital bed together waiting for the baby's arrival. We were nervous for what was yet to come.
I just wanted to go back home. I was numb to the contractions and labor pains but my heart was breaking. On October 16, 2011 at 5:30 a.m., Blake Joseph Wagner was born. The room was silent as they took my baby away from the room. There was no sound other than the footsteps of the doctor who carried him. The nurses asked if we wanted some time to hold him. They brought him back for us to hold and say our goodbyes. Blake was perfect in every way. I told him I was sorry and kissed his forehead. Shawn and I held him at the hospital as long as we could and I am thankful for the time we had, but it wasn't enough. We left the hospital the next day empty. Empty in every sense of the word.
On October 19th, we carried Blake as far as we could carry him in this world. Shawn carried his casket from the funeral home to his final resting place.
Our goal is to give families like ours more time with their stillborn baby - time to grieve, time to love and time to heal. We cannot think of a better way to honor Blake on his 10th heavenly birthday, than to provide families with this special gift.
Now the word of the Lord came to me, saying, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you...." Jeremiah 1:4-5
Supporters
This is such an amazing cause and I'm so proud of Crystal and her family for continuing to help families and be a light, and source of hope and faith.