Duck 2020: Support brain injury survivors!

NEW updates to my story...
I continue to work with outpatient speech to improve my cognition. I’ve needed to learn new coping mechanisms to be able to perform. I continue to work on these skills. I am happy to report I have made it back to work in a reduced but ever increasing capacity. Work is fatiguing but I love being around my work family again. Slow and steady wins the race!!

I still see a counselor to address the emotional aspects of having a brain injury. For me, and I bet others as well, going from being independent to dependent and dealing with a near death experience really rocked me. You begin to question the path you were on and realize you have power to change course. Through counseling and a stellar support system, I continue to grow and course correct as needed (not easy for an overthinking, control freak like myself.) Counseling has been an integral part of my recovery; I encourage anyone in a similar situation to find a good counselor as soon into your recovery as possible.

I am imperfect and pledge to stop the pursuit for perfectionism (a battle no one can win). I will seek out my resources and course correct while remaining true to myself and my values. No one should try to exist alone. I’ve spent too long hiding in anxiety and trying to hold it all together. We are so much better when we work together. Let’s help and support each other.

This journey into my mind was given to me by my brain injury. It has been a transformative experience. Being manic was a really rough time. I do still feel increased stimulation in my brain here and there and need to use meditation to temper it. What I learned through my initial mania was what it feels like to be euphoric. I had not experienced a life without anxiety since I was a small child. Euphoria, while definitely not a way to live, showed me freedom from my destructive thought processes. I have been able to see problem areas in my life and deal with them; areas I knew about and some that I had not. I have embarked on the continual practice of mindfulness; striving to regain power over my thoughts. I don’t have to plug into my anxious thought loops! Personal improvement never ends, but at least now I don’t feel powerless and have tools and the impetus to move forward.

While I still have a road ahead of me, I am grateful for all the good that has come out of my situation. I am grateful for the love and support from all the amazing people I have in my life. I commit to become the best version of myself and to continue growing.

To hear more about my journey, other’s journeys with brain injuries, and recovery; please check out my friend Mariah and I’s podcast, Making Headway at www.makingheadwaypodcast.com. (episodes to start airing November 2020).

Sometimes bad things happen; it is overcoming these bad things that makes us better.

The background to my brain injury story...

On May 11, I came home from work and started a virtual kickboxing class. In the middle of punching the air, I had a severe headache. Nothing I did made it retreat, in fact it just got stronger and more debilitating. The pain and vomiting were so severe that Troy, my husband, had to call 9-1-1. The ambulance crew scooped me off the floor and took me to Wentworth Douglass Hospital where I was quickly diagnosed with a subarachnoid hemorrhage. The staff there were excellent, quickly arranging emergency transport to Massachusetts General Hospital (MGH).

At MGH, I had a series of imaging and angiograms. The bleed occurred on the right side of my lower brain down into the cervical spine; it was near my brain stem. The doctors believed that I had a venous bleed known as a perimesencephalic subarachnoid hemorrhage; best case scenario for these types of bleeds but still very serious. I struggled to maintain my sodium levels, a condition called SIADH. SIADH required me to live on a fluid restriction for weeks. Very tough for someone with newly acquired impulse control issues. I spent four nights in the neuro-ICU and four nights in the neuro step down unit.

I was discharged home on May 19th. Little did I know, my recovery was just beginning. I battled severe pain in my head, neck, and down my spine into my sacrum for about a month. It limited my ability to walk at a normal pace; very difficult for someone who likes to be on the move all the time.

Turns out the physical recovery was the easiest. Because of the pain, I was on an extended course of steroids. The negative side effect of these and the brain injury itself turned me into a manic, insomniac for about a month. Mixed with the cognitive effects of the brain injury itself, this was the hardest time on me, my husband, my family and friends. I had little impulse control. The barriers in my brain came down. Anyone that knows me knows I am private, thoughtful, and introverted. Suddenly I found myself telling anyone who would listen exactly what I thought in a “diarrhea of the mouth” fashion. While this allowed me to explore and address some hidden areas of my brain, it also led to saying things that hurt people (I continue to be sorry). The talking got so bad that I would try to tape my mouth shut just so I could be free of hearing my own voice. I was so scared I was going to be stuck in this manic state. Thank you for not giving up on me Troy!!

Once I was able to start sleeping again, a little over a month after coming home, I started to really see improvement. The mania went away, and impulse control improved. My walking speed improved. I was left with trouble focusing and reading, memory deficits, and eye pain with screen time. Home speech therapy started for cognitive retraining.

What can you do to help?...
Please consider purchasing a T-shirt and donating here. For a new logo visit: https://www.customink.com/fundraising/duck-2020-new . All shirt proceeds and donations will support survivors through a grant fund at the Brain Injury Association of New Hampshire. If a T-shirt or donation is not for you, please pass this along to someone who may want one.

I challenge everyone to share my story with at least one other person. Together we can make the best of this crappy year; let’s help others in need!!